


To be loved

by Letsgetyourdeanon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 13:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19702714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Letsgetyourdeanon/pseuds/Letsgetyourdeanon
Summary: After a hunt Dean needs to take care of some of your injuries, leadning to him discovering some scars you have been trying to hide. He learns not everything in your past is as he thought it was.Told from Dean's POV(Warnings for violence, domestic violence, injury and blood, mentions of rape, demonic possession)





	To be loved

She was vulnerable. I knew that. That’s why I shouldn’t be looking at her like this, or even thinking about her like this. Somehow, I just couldn’t help it. I had been hunting alone with my brother for so long, but here was this beautiful, strong woman, always tagging along in the backseat of my Baby. How was a guy to help himself? Just watching her fight made me fucking hard. That had been awkward the first time it happened.

It was so wrong to feel this way about her. The whole reason why she was with us was that she had lost everything, and Sammy and I just didn’t have the heart to leave her behind after saving her on a hunt.

There can’t really be a worse way for a monster to take over your life than to have it possess someone you love. It had been her husband. Some demon had taken him over, we didn’t really know how long it had been in him before we managed to save her. She didn’t know either. When we found her, she was traumatised. She had been living in a house with that black-eyed son of a bitch for quite some time before we got there, it wasn’t weird that she had lost some concept of time. A month in hell felt like a decade, I didn’t want to think about how long a day living with a demon would feel like.

The bastard had eventually started slipping up. Thankfully, he showed up on our radar.

It had all been about six months ago now. Every day I thanked my lucky stars that we had found her, gotten her away from him. We had been forced to kill her husband in the process, but that was honestly a price worth paying to save her. Also all the other people he had been terrorising, but it would have been worth it just to get her out.

A long time ago, I learned that the world really isn’t a fair place, but sometimes it really seemed like all the worst things happened to the best people.

I had been through a lot in my time, but I was brought up in this life. She had had just an ordinary life, until something supernatural came to mess it all up for her. She was still one of the nicest people I had ever met.

I could see early on that Sammy trusted her, she put smiles on his face, and she did whatever she could to help both of us. After what she had been through, she would have had every right to lay down, give up, and think of nothing but herself. The why the first time she smiled at me, showed me just how strong she was.

At first, she would help with the research, but every now and again we let her tag along for an easy hunt. It didn’t take long before she was up to par with a lot of average hunters. It was impressive, seeing how quickly she improved.

When the big guns were out, like angels and demons, we would make her stay with the research. That wasn’t something just anyone should get involved in. She had had to deal with that kind of evil enough for a lifetime.

On the hunts with the smaller fish, ghosts, vamps, the occasional werewolf, we let her tag along. There was never a guarantee she would be safe, but we felt we could protect her better on those types of hunts.

After every successful hunt, we would go down to a bar to celebrate.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I had as much fun before she came along as I did with her. The woman was a natural at hustling pool. Most men would get slightly distracted while she played, myself included, and she wiped them clean.

Sadly, not every hunt was successful.

We had been hunting a werewolf for a week now, and tonight we finally came face to face with it. This was supposed to be an easy hunt, but the thing had been smarter than anticipated. When she finally caught up to him in an ally, he attacked her from behind. She was on the ground when we got there. I quickly put three silver bullets in his chest, running over to her as fast as I could.

She was still conscious, but the thing had left gashes on her back. It was hard to see what kind of damage there actually was, all I could really see was the blood. Sam decided to get rid of the body while I got her back to the motel.

Right now, she was sitting in a chair, her side pressed against the back of it. I needed to get a look at her back. That was when all of my inappropriate thoughts started flaring up. This was not the time for that. She was hurt, sitting in front of me, and I needed to help her.

“Sweetheart, I need to see what kind of damage it did to your back. Take your jacket and shirt of.” I tried to keep my tone as professional as possible, despite the endearment.

“No,” she said flatly, staring blankly ahead.

“What?” I asked incredulously.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Just go to bed, I can take care of it myself.”

“Come on, (Y/N). It’s on your back. I know you can do a lot of thing, but even you can’t reach all of it.”

She didn’t say a word, just sat quietly, unmoving, on that chair.

It didn’t matter that she didn’t want my help. She was hurt, and I didn’t know how badly. No matter how much she didn’t like it, she was my responsibility, and I needed to take care of her, make sure she was okay.

As gently as I could, I walked across the floor to her, putting my hand on her shoulder. She flinched. She always did. Whenever someone would unexpectedly touch her, walk into a room, or even talk to her, she would flinch. I supposed that’s what living with a demon did to you. Never feeling safe, you’re body is bound to react in certain ways.

It pained me to see that she still did all those things. She was safe now. She had been for many months. Nothing could ever get to her while we were around. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her out of harms way. She knew that. Still, when she didn’t know what the people around her were doing, she would flinch.

Knowing this was new territory for the two of us, I took a deep breath and tried to calm down as much as possible. She had never been hurt like that around me before. When we met her, she had stayed in the hospital for almost two weeks. Since then she hasn’t really had any bad injuries, not until now. Never had any of us had to stich her up before, but this might have to be a first.

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t like it, but I have to,” I almost whispered to her.

She let out a sigh in defeat, not stopping me when I took off her, now ruined, leather jacket. One would think a number of layers, with a heavy jacket on top, might have weakened some of the wolf’s attack, but it didn’t look like it had helped at all.

Carefully, I peeled off one layer at a time. When I reached her thin t-shirt, she whimpered as I grabbed hold of the hem. For all these months I had never thought about in detail what that demon might have done to her, but right now I realised he may not have stopped at just the regular violence.

It physically hurt me to think about all the different ways that monster might have hurt her. However, nothing could prepare me for the moment she was sitting there before me, nothing covering her upper half but her bra.

I had placed myself behind her, wanting to be as respectful as possible. The first thing that caught my eye wasn’t the gashes she had gotten tonight, they were large, but didn’t need stiches. Among her fresh wounds and blood, what caught my gaze were all the scars, covering her back. I couldn’t help the slight gasp I let out.

“(Y/N)…” was all I could say.

She was shaking, and I knew there were tears streaming down her face. Yet, she didn’t say a word.

Wanting to help ease any unnecessary discomfort, I did what I had to as quickly as possible. I cleaned up her wounds, wincing when she did, and dressed them as carefully as I could. Quietly, I went over to my duffel and found her a shirt to wear. Mine were too big for her and wouldn’t cling to the injuries on her back. I helped her put it on, before I pulled over a chair, sitting down, facing her.

There was a tear still rolling down her face. I couldn’t stop myself as I gently wiped it away with the pad of my thumb. Then we just sat there, looking at each other. I knew I should say something, but I didn’t know what.

Never before had I seen her cry. We had been through a lot together over these months. She had been saved from a demon, put into hospital, told that everyone she loved was gone, and this was the first time she had ever broken down in front of me. I had no idea how to help her in this situation.

“(Y/N)… I’m sorry. I can’t begin to imagine what that demon put you through,” I said, feeling pain in my heart.

“I lied.”

The words were so quiet, and she almost looked relieved to have said them, like this was something she had been holding in for a long time. What she had lied about, I didn’t know, and I honestly didn’t care. Something had hurt her, whatever she had lied about to live with that, I didn’t care. But, she did. If she wanted to tell me, there was no way I was stopping her.

“What about?”

“I knew. I knew when James wasn’t James anymore.”

All I could do was look at her confused. She knew? She had known all along? Had she tried to get out? Was that what does scars were, her punishment for trying to leave the demon behind?

These questions, I knew I couldn’t ask her a single one. She would tell me what she wanted me to know, and I would have to live with the ignorance about the rest of it. I took a breath, meeting her eyes, letting her know I would listen to whatever she had to say.

“I came home from work one day, and the second I stepped through the door I knew he had changed somehow. He didn’t have the same… priorities.”

I just kept looking at her, trying to understand what she was saying. Listening to every word, knowing there was so much meaning in each of them. I could tell from the look on her face that she was choosing them carefully, and I wanted to understand why.

“Did you know, when you told me he was dead, that they both were, I felt relieved? My own husband, dead because of some monster, and I was glad…”

“The demon must have been possessing him for a while. It’s understandable that you would start to think of him as the monster. You didn’t know what was really out there.”

She just shook her head. The look on her face told me I was missing the meaning of what she was saying. This was hard for her. I knew that. It was only to be expected, but I still didn’t know what she was trying to tell me.

“James…” she took a deep breath before she continued, “he wasn’t like most men.”

It was strange, but I actually felt slightly jealous hearing her talk about him. He was her husband. They had been married for years. I knew I had no right to feel this way, but I couldn’t help it.

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to make this easier for her.

“He was very protective of anything that was his, possessive.”

That pain in her eyes, it all suddenly became so clear. I felt sick to my stomach, and being in this business for as long as I had, that didn’t happen too easily.

“I knew it wasn’t him anymore that day because he was treating me differently. He hardly registered it as I came through the door, he didn’t care. It took me a while to be completely certain though. The third night I knew for sure. It was the third night in a row he had let me go to bed when I wanted to, leaving me alone.”

It took me a while to register those words. This woman in front of me, this woman I had grown to care so deeply for. Someone had hurt her, worse than I thought. I just wanted to hug her, make sure she knew she was safe, help take all her pain away. I didn’t, couldn’t.

“You knew it wasn’t your husband anymore because he… he didn’t…”

That word, it wouldn’t come out. It tasted so disgustingly on my tongue.

Rape.

The man she had loved and trusted, at some point at least. He had done the worst things he could imagine. He had done it over and over again.

“Yes.”

It was all she needed to say before I couldn’t stop myself anymore. Without realising it, I was suddenly holding her in my arms. She buried her face in my chest and I started stroking her hair. I looked down at her back, knowing what was hiding under there.

The thought that crossed my mind made me sick. Maybe those scars weren’t from a demon at all.

“Your back?” I whispered carefully.

She pulled away, not meeting my gaze. Sometimes I absolutely hated being right.

“There was this guy at the library where I worked. He was a colleague and we became friends. Not close, but he was the only friend I had. James didn’t like it. Whenever he saw us together, even at work, he would get so angry.” Another deep breath. “He would always wear a belt. ‘You never know when I’m gonna need it,’ he used to say. On the worst days, when he saw me talking to Eric outside work, he would use one he had with an extra large buckle.”

My whole body ached. How could anyone do something like that? That bastard had no idea how lucky he was that she chose him. He should have felt honoured. Instead he treated her like property. Like his own, personal slave. Never before had I been happy about having to kill a vessel to kill a demon, but right now, I was. If he hadn’t already been dead, he would have been soon.

I pulled her close, pressing my lips to the top of her head. She was safe now, and I was going to keep it that way. No one was ever going to hurt her like that again.

It was with her face buried in my neck, tears hitting my skin, that she said what she did next.

“I was happy when you told me my husband died. Happy. What the hell kind of a person does that make me?”

She was shaking. I couldn’t believe my own ears. Even now, that sick son of a bitch had a hold on her. She felt guilty.

“It makes you human, (Y/N), which is more than I can say for him. You deserve so much better than that. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. He had it coming. Believe me, he should be glad he’s dead right now. I’m so sorry any of that happened to you.”

I kissed her forehead.

She kept holding on to me, letting out everything she had been bottling up for months, if not years. At some point, we ended up on the motel bed, her arms clinging to me. I have no idea how long it had been, but she eventually fell asleep.

When Sammy came back, he could see the pain in my eyes and the dried tears on her cheeks. He simply nodded and left.

Usually, he would be the one to take care of such an emotional situation, but she had decided to trust me. Secretly, I was glad.

I held on to her all night.

She deserved to know she was safe. It would take time for her to be ready to move on, but someday she would. And I would be there.

Someday, I would show her what it really meant to be loved.


End file.
